This site is a tribute to Allan (Nessy). He is much loved and will always be remembered.

WELCOME
Comfortably Numb
Pink Floyd
CELEBRATING THE LIFE OF ALLAN NESS
Michael Brabin
I’d like the memory of me
To be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an afterglow
Of smiles when life is done.
I’d like to leave an echo Whispering softly down the ways, Of happy times and laughing times And bright and sunny days.
I’d like the tears of those who grieve, To dry before the sun
Of happy memories
That I leave when life is done.

Afterglow, by Helen Lowrie Marshall,

carries a message. It celebrates the power of remembrance; the human capacity to keep those we love close to our hearts, for as long as we choose to do so; remembering them at their very best, in the midst of life. It is a message, which I hope will set the tone for this morning’s celebration of the life of Allan Charles Ness: much-loved dad, brother, grandad and friend.

My name is Michael, I am an independent celebrant and it is my great privilege to have been invited to lead today’s service in Allan’s honour. We will pay tribute to him through a combination of collective remembrance, personal reflection, a little poetry and some music, in a secular ceremony, which places Allan at its very heart and which has been prepared, not by me, but by the people who love him beyond measure, his own family.

A few days ago, I had the opportunity to meet Kim and Alex, and I am very grateful to them for taking the time to share with me a little of their dad’s story. I am also grateful to Neil and Debbie, who shared some of their memories via Kim. For reasons I’m sure everyone understands, they have asked me to speak on their behalf. I am, of course, honoured to do so, however, these are their stories and their memories of a unique individual.
Born to Barbara and Gordon Ness on the 26th  of September 1953, in Driffield, in the East Riding of Yorkshire, Allan was the elder of two boys. His brother, Neil being five years younger.
Growing up in Driffield, he was a keen rugby union player who would later play semi- professionally for Driffield Rugby Union Club. At school, he earned a reputation for being a very fast runner, a talent that often took him over the try line. Unfortunately, he ran so fast that stopping was a problem and he developed a habit of putting the ball down on the dead-ball line so, his PE teacher would use him as a model for training other players; the perfect example of what not to do.
Form a very early age, Allan was a keen fisherman and Neill tells a story of when he was about twelve and on a regular fishing trip to the top loch, near to where his grandad’s farm had been. Allan loved his fishing and this day was made even better, when he caught an eighteen pound-pike; a monster of a fish that bit him several times before he was able to land it. He even made it into the Driffield Times, photographed holding the pike over a frying pan.
Neil recalls that, as they were growing up, Allan was always very protective of him. Woe betide any bully who hit Neil, he would quickly experience the wrath of big brother. Allan would then give Neil a slap for not sticking up for himself. He reckoned he must have really loved him to do that. It must be said that sibling love wasn’t very much in evidence when Neil was a baby. As the first-born male of the next generation, Allan had been the apple of everyone’s eye. Especially his grandad, who spoiled him rotten. At the age of five, he didn’t take too kindly to the emergence of a rival and would think nothing of tipping up his baby brother’s pram as he slept outside.
As they were growing up, Allan was often given the task of looking after Neil, and would take him on his adventures with his mates. Of course, despite the fact Allan and his mates were five years older than Neil, no quarter was given when it came to joining in. Neill remembers a particular six-foot wide ditch, full of cold mucky water that he was too small to get over. Undeterred, the older boys decided to throw him across, with a couple of lads to catch him on the other side. Not surprisingly, they didn’t throw him quite far enough, resulting in a cold wet walk home.

Allan always fancied being a vet, until he realised that it would mean leaving home. He always loved animals, however, and on finding a jackdaw chick that had fallen from the nest, and knowing that its mother would then reject it, he took it home and hand-reared it. He called it Jack and it was so tame that it would sit on his arm and call out “Come on Jack!”. Unfortunately, Jack took exception to cyclists passing the house and would dive-bomb them to scare them off. Rather ironically, Jack was killed by a car whilst out with Allan and his mates on a bike ride.

After leaving school, Allan became a mechanic, working his way up, over the years, from repairing cars, scooters, bikes, buses and trucks to working for Caterpillar and maintaining their various vehicles.

He was quite well into motorbikes and especially racing bikes. During the mid- seventies, he qualified as a Honda Team mechanic and, on more than one occasion, rode the TT circuit on the Isle of Man. Like many riders before and after, he has come a cropper once or twice on the notorious Ballaugh Bridge.

In the late seventies, Allan moved to Leyland and worked for a time as a doorman in Wigan, a job he actually enjoyed (for reasons that are probably better explained after the service). Around that time, he went to work at Leyland Motors where, in October 1980, he met Debbie who, in February 1981, Joined the Royal Navy. One of Debbie’s abiding memories is of Allan coming down visit her one weekend, during her training. He caused quite a stir because men were not allowed into the Wren’s quarters, so he waited outside at the gates. He was a good-looking bloke and attracted the attention of the Wrens who were hanging out of the windows to look at him.
Realising that they couldn’t be apart and that being in the Navy obviously meant that Debbie would be travelling all over the country (if not the world), she left on marriage notice on the 20th of March 1982 and exactly one week later, she and Allan tied the marital knot. Allan had completely redecorated that flat that would become their first home together, completing the job in time for them to move in.

Their first child, Kimberley was born on the 28th of December, exactly nine months and one day after their wedding day.
In 1985, Allan went to work on construction vehicles being used to rebuild the war- damaged airport at Port Stanley in the Falklands. He was there for twelve months, during which he came home just once, for a month, before returning. Their son Alex was born exactly nine months later.
Kim’s most vivid memories of that period in her dad’s like are the numerous penguin teddies and ornaments .... Those and the hundreds of photographs of penguins he sent to Debbie.

After Allan’s return from the Falklands the family moved to Orrell Close, Leyland and they enjoyed many caravan holidays with their friends Carol and Dennis and their son, Simon. The camp fancy dress competitions became a family tradition and every year, Kim, Alex and Simon would be entered. One year, Alex found himself dressed from head to foot in turf and wearing a sign that read “A Little Sod” That same year, Simon and Kim were ‘Tarzan and Jane’ wearing chamois leather outfits made by Debbie and Carol that were just enough to cover what needed to be covered. They won! In fact, the won every year.
Allan had never lost his love of fishing and even on holiday he would be out at night digging lugworms and fishing for much of the day. He caught so much fish that he was able to sell much of his catch to the site owners.

He was a member of Blackpool Angling Club, where he had lots of friends and where he entered many competitions, both landcasting and out in the boats. On one occasion he went out with his mate, Mick. Expecting a cash prize, which Debbie was rather hoping for, because the money would have come in handy, He suggested to Mick that if either of them won, they should split the prize money between them. Mick declined, saying that whoever won should keep it all. Allan won first prize, a brand- new boat, that he christened ‘Nessy’. He was made up. Debbie was less pleased. Money was a bit tight at that time and cash would undoubtedly have been preferable to a boat. Not only that, Allan had to buy a motor and a trailer, before he could take his boat anywhere.

Unfortunately, Allan and Debbie separated in 1994, although they have remained on good terms for the past twenty-five years or so.

Alex inherited his dad’s love of fishing and was brought up digging for lugworm with his dad in the early morning and taking the boat out, wearing tights and leggings, which Kim found hilarious. As he had on holiday, Allan would catch so much fish that his mother-in-law, Jackie, would sell his weekend catch at Leyland motors, after he had filled his own chest-freezer to the brim. Kim was telling me that there was never a time when her dad wasn’t either out fishing, or back home gutting fish on the front doorstep. Alex told me his dad would have him out in Orrell Close at every opportunity, practising his casting.

Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 1996, Allan remained determined not to give in to the condition and gave no outward indication that it bothered him. For many years, he managed with walking sticks, remaining as active as possible. His fishing mates would carry him on to the beach, where he insisted on digging his own worms.
As families do, Allan’s has grown over time to include grandchildren: Lydia, Emilie , Max, Eden, Talia and Libi. Although it frustrated him that he couldn’t be a more active grandad, he adored them all and they him. As he did with everything, Allan tried hard to be the best grandad possible and Max has wonderful memories of sitting on Grandad’s knee in the wheelchair as they took the dogs out by the river; and the little fist bumps thy would exchange.
As the years went on, Allan’s condition deteriorated but, it didn’t matter how much pain or discomfort he was in, his main concern was always everyone else. When his family rang to ask how he was, his response was invariably “Never mind me, how are you doing Kipper?”
Inevitably, the time came when Allan needed more help that his family could provide, and this was the point at which his amazing team of personal assistants came in. He absolutely loved his team. They became his best friends, making his days happier. Shortly, I know that two members of that team: Sarah and Caz, will be paying their own tribute, but Allan’s family wanted you all to know just how much your work with Allan and your support for his family has been very much appreciated.

Regardless of his health issues, Allan remained adamant that he should be there to the end. He loved his house and especially his specially built pond full of Koi Carp. He would sit and watch them every day. Alex and Paul would do jobs for him, such as cleaning the pond filters, changing the tyres on his wheelchair and pretty much everything else that needed doing. There work, however, would be closely supervised by Allan. There came a time when the only effectively functioning part of his body was his voice, but there is no doubt he put it to good use, making absolutely certain that every job was done his way and to his personal standard. Of course it could be quite frustrating for Alex and Paul to be given step by step instructions on how to do jobs which they were each perfectly capable of doing unaided, but they both knew that this was Allan’s last bit of independence. A man who had never ever paid anyone to do a job he could do himself, Allan needed to be in control.
In December 2018, he was diagnosed with throat cancer and offered treatment, which he declined reasoning that “This might kill me, because the MS ain’t”. He never moaned or got outwardly upset that his time was coming to an end.
Allan Ness was undoubtedly a stubborn bugger who never minced his words, but he was a man who would always listen, never judge and who was always willing to give the right advice. He was loved by so many people. Even those who he had only met a few times would comment on his amazing courage and strength of character and how much those qualities rubbed off on the people around him.
On the 22nd of July, Allan’s condition deteriorated rapidly, and palliative care began. Even then, he defied the odds, fighting to the very end and living for several weeks more than his prognosis. On Saturday 7th September, he passed away quietly, at home, surrounded by his family and friends ...much loved and sorely missed. A truly amazing man.
Allan was immensely proud of his family and would be doubly proud to know that tow of his grandchildren: Emilie and Max have chosen to pay their own tribute by means of a poem, David Harkins’ ‘He is Gone’.
POEM
He is Gone
(David Harkins) Read by Emilie and Max


 You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday You can remember him and only that he is gone Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on You can cry and close your mind,Be empty and turn your back Or you can do what he would want: Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

A MOMENT OF QUIET REFLECTION

Each of you will have known Allan in different contexts and each of you will have your own personal memories and stories, many of which I’m sure, will be shared long after we have left this place today. For now, I invite you to take a few moments to reflect upon the best of those memories as we listen to another of Allan’s favourite pieces of music, Ennio Morricone’s ‘Chi Mai’.
Play ‘Chi Mai’
As I said a few moments ago, Allan was a man who inspired others and who made many friends; not least, those who did so much to help him through the most difficult time in his life, his personal assistance team. I would now like to welcome two members of that team: Sarah and Caz, who have come today to pay their own tribute.
ALLAN
Sarah and Caz
LOVE AND GO ON
Michael A. Brabin

Life is such a fragile thing. It’s only when we lose someone close to us that we become properly aware of that fragility. We come to realise that, time has no relevance in the apparent randomness of life and death. However long we live, in the context of the great space-time continuum, we are simply visitors; no more than a flicker of light in a dark night sky. Allan, the most welcome of those visitors, has undoubtedly left too soon, but his memory will live on.
He truly loved and valued his family and friends, a love that was fully and deservedly reciprocated. I know that many people have benefitted from his kindness, support and advice, over the years. He would, as has already been said, do anything for the people around him, and, of course, whatever he did would be done properly. He almost certainly wouldn’t welcome any great pomp and ceremony today, but I haven’t the slightest doubt that he would be gratified that you have taken the time to come to pay your respects; and would very much appreciate simply being appreciated; perhaps the quietest and most honest form of celebration.
This morning we have celebrated the life of a genuine character, in the very best sense of the word. Allan’s courage, determination, and willingness to put make time for others will stay with you for far longer than the sadness you feel at this moment.
I’m sure that today, we are a gathering of several faiths and philosophies. Whatever we each believe, there is one thing of which we can be absolutely certain; human memory is, in itself, a form of immortality; and it is you, Allan’s family and friends who, more than any headstone, plaque or statue, will be his living memorial. So, I would urge you to remember him with love, remember him with great pride and, most importantly, remember him often, because therein lies eternity.
I haven’t really talked much about music, but it did play an important part in his life. The pieces of music chosen for today’s service have been chosen to reflect his personal tastes. We will take our leave with a song from the eighties; Jon and Vangelis with ‘I’ll Find My Way Home’
May Allan find the peace he so richly deserves, and may he live forever in your hearts!
Play ‘I’ll Find My Way Home’